


Second Thoughts

by Beautiful_Doom



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, No Unsympathetic Sides, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Sides, post Putting Ourselves First
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:06:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautiful_Doom/pseuds/Beautiful_Doom
Summary: Janus has second thoughts about his acceptance
Comments: 15
Kudos: 180





	1. Janus's Decision

“Watch out, Nerd!” 

Logan flattened himself against the wall of the hallway just in time for Remus to pass by. He was carrying a large and rather heavy looking desk.

Logan raised an eyebrow in confusion, walking down the hall to Janus’s room where Remus had appeared from. The door was open and... the room seemed to be in the middle of a move. Items were packed and labeled in boxes, and some of the furniture was missing.

Janus was standing in the middle of the room, looking around at what still remained. He was missing his hat and cape, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbow.

“What’s going on?” Logan asked, stepping into the room.

Janus flinched and spun around. His expression was carefully schooled into something neutral.

“Ah, Logan... I wasn’t expecting anyone to be around. Everyone seems to be... keeping to themselves these days,” he said. 

“That does not answer my question,” Logan stepped further into the room. “What’s going on?”

“Ah... well...” Janus cleared his throat. “Simply put... I am moving back to the Dark Side. Because Thomas has accepted me, my room has been moved up here with all of you, so I cannot send it back. But Remus was able to clear out a spare room and is helping me move my belongings. We should be done by the end of the day, don’t worry.”

“Moving?” Logan repeated. “Why? I thought you wanted acceptance. Was all that a lie?”

Janus sighed, covering his face with a scaly hand. 

“No, that wasn’t a lie. I’m just... doing what needs to be done. It will make things better for everyone here... if I simply go back to the Dark Side and... we all just... forget this happened.”

“But...” Logan was at a loss for words. Janus had worked so hard to be accepted, and the things he said were all good points. They were things that Thomas needed to hear. Things that Patton and the others tended to let him ignore or forget.

“What’s next?” Remus was back. 

“That dresser. Thank you, Remus,” Janus pointed to a rosewood dresser that stood in a corner.

Remus walked over and carefully picked it up. He then slowly carried It from the room and once again disappeared down the hall.

“You can’t just move,” Logan finally said. “You... why would you move after all the hard work and effort you put into this? And you’d be leaving at a really bad time. Thomas needs you.”

“Yes, I did work hard for this,” Janus gave a laugh that had no humor in it. “It was the one thing that I wanted. The one thing I’ve wanted for years and years. Because for whatever reason, I was the one who had to be the villain. The bad guy. The evil monster. The serpent come to tempt Thomas and get him kicked from the garden.”

He laughed again, and Logan could swear he saw tears in his eyes.

“And now I’ve finally been accepted! But at what cost? Roman’s broken. Patton’s broken. Virgil... I haven’t even seen him, but you know he’ll be affected by this. At the moment of my victory, it all tastes like ash!”

He’d raised his voice, and he was definitely crying now. Logan had never seen Janus like this before, except maybe when he’d been trying to teach them a lesson using piñatas. 

Janus gripped his hair in distress, and quickly took a deep breath to help calm himself.

“This... was a mistake. I realize now that this was... a mistake. We all have our jobs. And mine... Mine isn’t here. Mine is in the Dark Side where I’ve always been. Where I should have stayed. I flew too close to the sun... and I got burned.”

“That.... that’s preposterous,” said Logan. “You helped calm everything down. You helped Thomas realize the importance of self care-”

“And I was also the one who pushed Patton too far,” said Janus. “And look what I did to him. What I did to Roman. I can still help Thomas, but I will not do so here. I’ll stay to the shadows like I’ve always done before. And with me removed from the equation... I’m sure the balance can once again even out and things will return to the idyllic way they were before.”

“Jannie, are you ok?”

Logan looked back at the door. Remus was back again, and Logan just now realized he wasn’t in his usual outfit. He was wearing a green shirt with black overalls, something comfortable to wear while helping Janus move.

“I’m fine, Remus,” Janus sniffled, wiping at his eyes. “Just... a lot of emotions right now. Why don’t you go take a break, you’ve been working so hard.”

Remus’s eyes slid to Logan, and they narrowed. 

“I’ll be right down the hall if you need me,” he said, not looking away from Logan. He walked out, and Logan and Janus were once again alone.

“You can’t leave-”

“I’ve made my decision,” Janus interrupted Logan. “You’ll see. Things will be better without me here. And Thomas will need you to help him find that balance between work and self care. Talk to him. He will listen, I promise.”

Janus looked around again, face twisting up in despair.

“I wish it could have been different. I wish I could have just been accepted like how you all were. Why did I have to be the villain? Why did it have to turn out this way?”

His voice was soft and vulnerable, and he once again sniffled and scrubbed at his eyes. Logan couldn’t help but feel guilty. While he had never really villainized Janus himself, he could sympathize with the desire to be heard. To be listened to. Janus had only wanted what was best for Thomas, but his words had always been drowned out or dismissed.

Logan knew that feeling all too well...

By the end of the day, the room was empty, and Janus was closing it for the last time. Logan stood in the hall and watched Janus, dressed in his full outfit, hold his head up and walk. He passed the doors of the other sides, not sparing them a glance. He paused when he came to Logan.

“May I trust you with this?” Janus held up an old fashioned yellow key. “Please? I’d hate for it to get lost.”

Logan hesitated, but he finally took the key and nodded.

“I’ll keep it safe,” he said. “You have my word. Good bye, Janus. I... I wish things had gone differently.”

“I think we all do,” Janus gave one last sad smile. “Good bye, Logan.”

And then he was gone. The metal of Janus’s key burned against Logan’s palm.

He couldn’t help but feel that things were not going to just go back to how they were...


	2. A Bad Kerfuffle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had intended this to just be a oneshot, but... a lot of people wanted me to continue it and give Janus a happy ending, so...  
> *arrives a few months late with Starbucks*

“He left?” Patton seemed surprised.

“Good riddance,” Roman scoffed. “We don’t need him here!”

Virgil... had nothing to say. He just sat there with his hood pulled up and his headphones on.

It was a few days after Janus’s departure, and the others had finally started leaving their rooms. Logan had called a meeting and explained what had happened, to various reactions. He still felt bad for Janus, remembering how devastated he had sounded. Logan didn’t blame him. Imagine finally getting the one thing you’d always wanted and worked so hard for... only to have your victory tainted and muddied.

“But... he’d said that he would take care of Thomas,” Patton sounded worried. “He can’t just duck out!”

“He’s not ducking out,” said Logan. “he said he would still help with Thomas, but he would be doing so from the Dark Side like he always has. He won’t be up here with us.”

“I’m glad,” said Roman. “I’d hate to have to see his face every time I wake up in the morning.”

“Roman!” Patton scolded the other. “You’re being mean.”

 _“I’m_ being mean?” Roman repeated. “And where was this outrage when that snake called me an evil twin?! You had no problem with people being mean then, so why does it suddenly matter _now?!”_

“Roman...” Patton said softly in a broken voice. “I...”

“Don’t bother,” Roman said. “If you want to hold hands and frolic with the snake, you go ahead. But don’t come crying to me when you end up bitten.”

Logan glanced to the side and saw that Virgil was pressing his headphones against his ears, face still half hidden under his hood.

“No one is forcing you to do anything,” He said to Roman. “But I do believe that having Janus here would be more beneficial than having him back below. Education is key, and I think that Janus has quite a few new perspectives that can teach us-”

“How to be selfish liars!” Roman interrupted.

“How to help Thomas find the balance between himself and others,” Logan glared, feeling himself get angry.

Virgil’s knuckles were white from where they were gripping his headphones.

“Guys, we should calm down,” said Patton. “Yelling isn’t going to solve anything.”

“Oh really, because you’re such an expert on knowing what to do and what not to do?” Roman turned his wrath upon Patton. “Didn’t you have a Mr. Toad’s Wild Breakdown over the fact that you don’t always have the answer?! We’ve been listening to you for _years_ and now you suddenly say that you don’t know the answers all the time? How much have we lost and _sacrificed because of you?!”_

**_“SHUT UP!”_ **

Virgil had jumped up, tempest tongue roaring around them. His eyeshadow was dark and smudged all around his eyes instead of just under them.

“This isn’t solving anything!” He shouted, banging his fist against the table. “The only thing it’s doing is raising my heart rate and nearly giving me a panic attack! So everyone just shut up for a minute!”

He glared at them all with a growl. Patton had covered his mouth in shock, Roman’s expression was somewhere between angry and afraid. Logan wisely chose to stay silent, watching Virgil carefully.

No one spoke as Virgil went through his breathing exercises to calm himself down. When he was finished, his eyeshadow was back to normal.

“Thomas has accepted Janus,” he finally said. “Therefore, Janus should be up here with us. You are forgetting that Thomas is the boss, not us. Thomas accepted Janus, so we should try to be more accepting too.”

“Why are you defending him?” Roman asked. “I thought you hated him.”

Virgil gave a guilty look.

“I didn’t want to make waves with you guys,” he said. “I don’t like conflict. You all treated him badly... so I just went along with it to keep the peace. I regret not standing up for him sooner. Maybe then he wouldn’t have left...”

“Oh, Virgil...” Patton looked guilty too. “We should have treated him better. We should have treated you all better...”

“So you’re aligning yourself with the snake?” Roman asked.

“That’s the kind of talk that we don’t need,” Virgil snapped. “This whole choosing sides thing. There are no sides! We’re all here for Thomas! Why are we fighting with each other?” He pressed his hand over his face. “Oh God, why did I let it go this far? Why didn’t I stop it earlier?”

“Virgil is right,” Logan tried to wrangle the conversation back. “We are all here for Thomas, we all want what’s best for him. We shouldn’t be fighting with each other. Now... Janus left three days ago. Are we going to let him leave or are we going to try to have him come back?”

“Does he even _want_ to come back?” Virgil asked. “If I was him... I wouldn’t. I would have thrown up both birds and walked away a long time ago...”

“You tried that when you ducked out,” said Logan. “And we went and got you. We should do the same for Janus. He’s hurting, and it’s partially our fault. He finally had what he always wanted and then he gave that up so that we could have what he assumed would be a better life. He gave up Thomas’s acceptance and a new home because he felt guilty over what he did and thought it would be better for him to leave. Can any of you imagine how that must have felt for him?”

Roman seemed to be struggling between guilt and anger. Logan understood. While Roman had antagonized and hurt Janus, Janus had done just the same back to him. He’d manipulated Roman and played him like a fiddle more than once. They were both to blame.

But it was all the more reason to bring Janus back. At least then they might be able to clear the air...

“I say we go find him,” said Patton. “Even if he doesn’t want to come back, we should still talk to him. This whole... kerfuffle isn’t good for any of us, Thomas included. A lot has changed and we need to stick together.”

“I agree,” said Logan.

“Same,” said Virgil.

Everyone glanced at Roman, who sighed heavily.

“Fine,” he said. “But only for Thomas. And I’m not going to like it. And don’t expect me to be all buddy buddy with him.”

“We can work on that later,” said Logan. “For now, we need to find him first...”

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this story, please comment. Also, if anyone wants to make fanart or share the link for this fic, you are all welcome to do so.


End file.
